


total eclipse of the heart

by techniclr



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Pining, Self-Destruction, Slow Burn, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techniclr/pseuds/techniclr
Summary: if there's one thing felix and sylvain are good at, it's miscommunication.in which felix slowly realizes that the one thing he truly wants in this world is to be closer to sylvain.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	total eclipse of the heart

**Author's Note:**

> haha heyyy fellow sylvix lovers this is an idea that wouldn't leave my head: felix realizing that he craves sylvain's touch so desperately and has no idea what to do about it other than Faerghus Repression Method #47. me and felix are.. kinda the same dude... lmfao enjoy ily all!

Most days, Felix can't stand Sylvain. He's rude, he's irritating, he's loud, and he makes terrible jokes with wide smiles and eyes that shine too brightly - all in all a horrible experience. It's like looking directly into the sun. 

Today is one of those days, Felix tells himself. 

Felix rapped once, twice on the thick oak door, and stood back with his arms crossed. The dull thump resonated in the empty hallway, hollowly echoing. Felix tapped his foot impatiently, glancing at his watch as if it had been more than thirty seconds since he'd knocked. He huffed impatiently through his nose. Why was everyone he knew so insufferable? 

The door clicked, unlocking, and then opened up slightly, one brown eye and a mess of red hair visible through the crack. Sylvain swung the door open grinning, but the smile fell from his face when he was greeted by a seething Felix. The younger man drew himself to his full height, standing at an intimidating 5'9", glowering at Sylvain with a diamond-hard glare. His eyes were rimmed with red, and his hair was half out of its usual neat ponytail. He looked disheveled and bothered in a way that made Sylvain uneasy. For a moment, neither of them said anything. 

Tentatively, Sylvain said carefully, "Felix? It's one in the morning."

"Shut up." Felix pushed past him, striding purposefully into Sylvain's room. 

"Uh... what's up?" Sylvain stood awkwardly in his doorway, one hand buried in the pocket of his pajamas, one hand stretched behind him, scratching his head. 

"Shut up," Felix repeated, with more bite this time. He paced the length of Sylvain's room back and forth silently, hands crossed in front of him and brow furrowed. Sometimes, he would stop and open his mouth like he wanted to say something, but his face would redden slightly and he'd shut his mouth before any words came out, resuming his pacing. 

Moonlight was pouring softly from Sylvain's open window and pooling on the wooden floor. The breeze toyed with the simple curtains that hung around the window frame. Sylvain's bed was unmade and messy as if he had been tossing and turning before answering the door. His room was mostly neat, save for the books stacked in random places and clothes scattered on his desk chair. The Lance of Ruin sat propped in the corner, glowing orange and pulsating slightly, a nightlight of sorts. 

Sylvain leaned on the doorframe silently with his arms crossed, watching Felix pace back and forth with raised eyebrows. 

After two minutes of this, Felix halted abruptly, amber eyes cutting right through Sylvain. "You've been ignoring me."

Sylvain's face filled with shock. "Felix, I truly have been a little busy. I'm sorry if you felt that I-"

"Don't," Felix bit out. "Don't give me those empty apologies. I know... I know you didn't want to see me." He tipped his head forward, letting the strands of free hair fall in a curtain over his face. He didn't want to see Sylvain's face when he said those words.

Sylvain's eyes softened. "Felix, no."

"Why else would you lie to me about having to stay behind in class," Felix growled, pacing again. He tugged on a loose strand of his inky black hair. "And again, when you said you forgot to eat lunch and ditched me, but I saw you with Dedue in the library. You fucking ditched me." Felix's face burned, both with anger and embarrassment at having to recount the events like he was reading out from a receipt. 

Sylvain pushed off the wall, coming to stand in front of Felix. Felix stopped pacing, squinting up into Sylvain's eyes, which were looking anywhere but directly at Felix. Sylvain's eyes avoided landing on Felix, instead looking apologetically at the floor. He sighed heavily as if he was bracing himself. 

"The truth is... I got shitfaced a couple of nights in a row and I missed some pretty important assignments. I had to stay behind in class because the Professor wanted to help me get started on the mountain of work I have and I was with Dedue getting help on my essay and I." Sylvain cleared his throat. "I didn't want you to think that I was... weak. Asking for help, I mean."

Felix said nothing for a long moment, squinting into Sylvain's eyes. Sylvain still refused to meet Felix's eye. Finally, Felix said, "I could never think that you're weak, Sylvain."

Sylvain's eyes grew wide. His eyes shot to Felix's face, searching for the truth. He looked so vulnerable, so open, and Felix's heart surged in his chest, swelling with emotion. Felix watched his words sink in, Sylvain's brow furrowing as he stuttered, "I don't - I mean, how can you -" He licked his lips, exhaling harshly. "Okay. I mean - okay. Felix, that's... really kind of you. I just need you to remember one thing." 

Felix blinked at the suddenly determined gleam in Sylvain's eye. "What's that?" Felix breathed out, the air suddenly thick with an indiscernible emotion. 

Sylvain stepped closer, slowly taking hold of Felix's hand. He moved slowly, giving Felix time to yank his hand away. Gently, Sylvain cradled Felix's hand in both of his own. The heat from Sylvain's large, rough hands seeped into Felix's cold ones, and Felix's heart thumped loudly in his chest. Felix couldn't take his eyes off the gentle, caring expression on Sylvain's face. 

Sylvain smiled softly. "I always want to see you, you know. Always."

Felix swallowed loudly, the click of his throat the only sound in his ears aside from his hammering heart. "You do?"

Sylvain chuckled lightly. "Of course, Fe."

"But uh... you should get to bed, it's late and I'm sure you're tired, so..." Sylvain looked away, reluctantly letting Felix's hands fall from his grasp. His eyes seemed far away, and his eyebrows were slightly furrowed as if he was debating with himself.

Felix cleared his throat, the answer suddenly very obvious in front of him. "Sylvain. Can I." Felix said softly, interrupting Sylvain's internal strife.

Sylvain snapped back into himself instantly. "Yeah?"

Felix looked at his toes. "Can I sleep here." He said it like a statement, whispered it at his feet so that when Sylvain told him he had to go it wouldn't hurt as much. Now that Felix knew that Sylvain hadn't meant to be ignoring him, his anger melted away and was replaced by the need for Sylvain's attention. He wanted Sylvain to make up for all the time he owed him avoiding him this past week. "I don't want to be alone." He added quietly. 

"Of course, Fe," Sylvain whispered back. Felix looked up, surprised. "You take the bed. I've got some blankets I-"

"No," Felix said firmly. "We can share. Like we used to. Remember?"

"Yeah," Sylvain breathed out, expression unreadable. "Yeah, I do remember. Alright, scooch over."

The bed wasn't made for two, but they made it work. Felix pushed his back to the wall, making himself as small as possible. The wall was cold, but he could feel the heat radiating off of Sylvain's body. Sylvain laid on his back, an arm behind his head, eyes lost staring at the ceiling, searching for a distant memory. Finally, he said, "You know, you used to cry so much when we were kids." 

Felix huffed. "Shut up. You know Glenn would always make me cry just so he could laugh at me."

Sylvain chuckled. "You were a snotty little kid, getting all red in the face and stomping your foot the angrier you got. It was cute."

Felix sat up, indignant. "Cute? You think my anger was cute?" 

"Still do," Sylvain said softly, winking at him. 

"Right," Felix said flatly. "Good night, Sylvain."

"Good night, Felix."

* * *

Felix turned in his sleep and bumped into a warm, solid wall. Confused, he cracked one eye open and was met with the sight of Sylvain's chest rising and falling evenly. His eyes traveled up, squinting in the soft light of dawn, and nearly gasped out loud. Sylvain was glowing, his hair a burning halo around his head. The light filtered in softly, warming the side of Sylvain's profile and highlighting his thick eyebrows, relaxed for once, his dense eyelashes that fell delicately onto his cheeks, his proud cheekbones that cut a stunning profile. Felix's eyes trailed along his face, absorbing his straight, freckled nose that led to his soft, soft lips. Felix stared, eyes following the path of his chin along the line of his jaw, and before he could stop himself, he reached out to brush his fingers softly against the stubble there. It felt prickly on the soft pads of his fingertips, and he rested his hand on Sylvain's jaw, a warm burning feeling filling his chest like he was too close to the sun. Sylvain shifted in his sleep, jostling slightly, and Felix snapped back like he'd been burned. Fuck, what was he doing? He looked down where Sylvain's arm was wrapped around him loosely and had fallen slightly when he'd pulled back. Felix had been tucked into Sylvain's arm neatly like he was meant to fit there. Felix tried not to let his mind linger on the thought. Felix frowned slightly and then yawned. It was still too early to think about getting up, so Felix turned over, keeping a healthy distance between himself and Sylvain as much as he could on the small bed, and fell back asleep, thinking of the warmth the lingered where Sylvain's arm had been.

When Felix woke up, Sylvain was gone. 

Felix cracked his eyes open, the late afternoon light shining into his closed eyelids, annoying him before he was fully awake. Irritated, pulled the blanket over his head, and was immediately engulfed in the scent of sandalwood and cedar. The familiar scent made Felix's eyes snap open, and he sat straight up, pushing the hair out of his face. His eyes darted around the room, the memory of last night coming crashing back. Him pacing back and forth, spitting words into Sylvain's face. Sylvain's bashful, embarrassed look when he admitted he'd been lying. Sylvain's hair a fiery halo around him in the early dawn light. Sylvain's parted lips, light snores coming from his chest. His arm, heavy and warm around Felix. The way Felix had trailed his fingertips along his strong jaw. 

Felix blinked, and then blinked again. What was wrong with him? He raked his hand through his unkempt hair, and ripped the sheets off himself, regretfully leaving the comfortable bed and familiar scent behind.

* * *

Felix grudgingly took his seat in the classroom, almost late as always. He watched Sylvain and Mercedes walk in leisurely, engaged in conversation. Sylvain was gesticulating, waving his arms around, surely explaining something ridiculous to her. As they passed Felix on their way to their seats, Sylvain shot Felix a wink. It happened in an instant, but Felix realized he'd been staring at Sylvain and ducked his head, face burning and the memory of his hand along Sylvain's jaw burning through his mind. Fuck, what was wrong with him? He wasn't one to react this way, ever. But when Felix would glance in Sylvain's direction, heat would creep up his face and he'd have to look away. His eyes stayed glued to Sylvain's back the entire duration of the lecture, watching as his broad shoulders strained under the fabric of his uniform. When Sylvain would raise his hand to answer the Professor's question, the muscles in his back would ripple in a way that Felix couldn't look away from if he tried. Felix tried to listen to what the Professor was saying, but his mind was clouded with images of Sylvain's profile, glowing in the early morning sun. He picked up his pen and jotted down a few words mindlessly, mind replaying the moment his fingers made contact with Sylvain's face. This was truly a new kind of torture, Felix thought to himself. The object of his desires sat four feet to his left, and he could reach out and touch him if he so wanted to, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't. No, he couldn't. 

When class dismissed, Felix tried to scurry away as quickly and discreetly as possible, sweeping up his books in one arm and ducking his head, swiftly making for the door. When a solid hand fell on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin. 

"Sleep well, buddy?" Sylvain grinned knowingly. His hand felt heavy on Felix's shoulder, burning through his clothes. Felix felt raw, a stranger in his own body. He looked at Sylvain with wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights. 

"U-uh, yeah. I slept well, thank you." Felix stuttered. Sylvain's smile wavered. 

"Felix? You feeling okay?" The concern in his voice made Felix cringe inwardly. Felix couldn't bear to see that caring look on Sylvain's face, not for one second. He wrenched his shoulder away from Sylvain's grip. "I'm late for something, I have to go," He lied, ignoring the rapid hammering of his heart in his chest. "See you," he added, sweeping past Sylvain's stunned silence. 

* * *

Felix walked into the dining hall, dark circles under his eyes and hair a mess. It had been harder to get to sleep and stay asleep than usual, nightmares plaguing his every resting moment. It had been a long time since he'd slept so badly. He could barely keep his head up in class, and the Professor had woken him up several times when he'd put his head down for a few moments and wake up drooling. Regardless, he'd made it to the dining hall, albeit later than usual. Most of the kids had left the hall already, leaving a couple of stragglers at the usual tables. Felix picked a food at random and sat at the first empty table he saw, slumping onto the bench gracelessly. He really didn't want to eat, he thought to himself as he picked at his food. As he raised his head to eat, he looked up and saw Dedue sitting with a certain redhead at a neighboring table and Felix immediately went scarlet. He made eye contact with Dedue on accident and watched as Dedue leaned over and told Sylvain something that made him light up. Sylvain turned around with a blinding smile, beckoning Felix over to their table. God, why did Sylvain have to be like... that? Why couldn't he just let Felix exist in his own misery? Felix stood up, irritated, and eyes locked with Sylvain as he stomped to the bin and dumped his untouched meal, watching the smile fall from Sylvain's face. Felix marched out of the dining hall before either of them had another chance to do something stupid. 

* * *

Any time Felix saw Sylvain in passing, he'd about face quickly and pretend that the simple sight of Sylvain didn't want to make him spontaneously combust. It's not that he didn't want to see Sylvain, it was that every time he saw him he did something stupid which he absolutely could not stand so instead of confronting his need to be physically close to Sylvain, Felix simply told his feelings to fuck off. Felix was so busy avoiding Sylvain he hadn't been paying attention in class, or gone to the training grounds, or eaten in the dining hall almost at all in the last few days due to the off chance that Sylvain might be there. He was so worried about bumping into Sylvain he hadn't realized that Sylvain had probably realized that Felix was acting very strange. So when he heard a dull knock on his door, Felix shouldn't have been surprised to hear a familiar melodic voice pushing through the dense wood. "Hey, it's me. Can I come in?"

Felix looked around his room, which had become a rat's nest in the last few days. Like his mind, it was messy, dark, and unwelcoming. Clothing was strewn on the floor, the curtains were drawn to prevent any light from coming in, and his desk was covered in scattered papers. His bed was unmade, half the sheets pouring onto the floor, dragging behind Felix as he reluctantly stood to get the door. He ignored the rapid beating of his heart as he cracked the door open a sliver. "What." 

Sylvain looked apologetic. "I, uh, just wanted to check on you. You've been kind of weird these past few days."

"No, I haven't."

"Uh... ok. Well, can I at least come in? I just wanted to talk to you."

Sylvain's eyes were pleading, honesty and care written across his features, and Felix felt his will crumble. 

"Fine."

Sylvain came in and sat down, purposefully ignoring the unmade bed and absolute mess of a room. He sat delicately, perched on the edge of the bed as if scared to make an impression on the mattress, and looked at Felix gently. It was too much. 

Felix clenched his fists and remained standing by the door, resisting the urge to sit as close to Sylvain as possible. Sylvain looked at him with gentle concern. "Don't you want to sit down?" he asked, confused. 

"No." Felix bit out, trying not to let any of the stupid words in his head find their way out. 

Sylvain laughed awkwardly. "C'mon man, I'm gonna need more than one-word responses from you." He flashed Felix a smile, but then his expression melted into a grave seriousness. "I really want to know what's wrong and how I can help. Like, no offense Felix but." Sylvain cleared his throat, steeling himself. "You look like shit."

Felix's scowl deepened, and he crossed his arms in front of him. Good, he thought. It's your fault. 

"So what if I do. What do you care." Something in the back of Felix's mind screamed of course he cares, he's the only one who truly cares, but Felix ignored it. 

"What the fuck d- Of course I care, Felix! You're my best friend, why wouldn't I care? I don't think I've seen you eat anything in the past three days man, I'm seriously worried about you."

"Ok."

" 'Ok' ?! That's all you have to say?"

"Yeah. Ok. I'll try to look less like shit."

"Felix, look, you can't -" Sylvain got up, and in one stride he was in front of Felix, reaching for his shoulder. Panic filled Felix's head, and he reacted before he could control himself. Sylvain was going to find out what Felix had been thinking these past few days, and then he was going to hate him. He was going to hate Felix for wondering what Sylvain's hands would feel like on his body, how his teeth would feel on his throat, how his lips would press against his own. Involuntarily, Felix whimpered and scrambled back, pushing himself against the wall. 

Several expressions flitted across Sylvain's face at once. Pure shock, then horrid realization, finally settling on steely calmness. Sylvain let his hand drop where it had frozen in the air, a disturbing smile stretching across his features. "Oh, I see." Sylvain croaked, still smiling painfully. "It was me. Of course, it was me." He laughed, but it sounded like glass breaking. "I'll go. Bye, Felix." Sylvain moved robotically out of the room, wrenching the door open. Felix listened to the click of his boots recede down the hallway, still pressed against the wall. His blood ran cold as the reality of what had just happened sunk in.

Saints, what had Felix done?

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed, please leave a comment and/or kudos! you can find me on twitter @dimivainlovebot  
> also if u all enjoyed i will keep writing this piece it is simply getting away from me but I want to see where it's going (make them kiss) (comment if u want them to kiss)


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